Introduction
While I was on maternity leave, I became consumed with learning how to care for my baby—not just physically but emotionally. I read and listened to everything I could find about infant development and secure attachment. A lot of the content that came up, especially from clinical psychologists and parenting influencers, was deeply sceptical—if not outright critical—of daycare or any non-parental childcare. The message was clear: if you weren’t home with your child full-time, you were risking damage to their emotional development.
Naturally, that worried me. Like many mums in the UK, I faced the reality that I would be returning to work when my maternity leave ended. For some of us, that’s a financial necessity. For others, it’s part of our identity and ambition. And for many, it’s both. But no matter the reason, the narrative that “nursery harms children” made me question if I was making the right choice.
The UK vs. US: Why This Matters
It’s worth noting that much of this guilt-inducing content comes from the US. In the US, childcare is often less regulated, and access to affordable, high-quality early education is much more limited. The UK system is different in many ways, yet I struggled to find research and resources that reflected that.
So, I decided to dig into the evidence myself.
In this post, I want to explore whether sending your baby to nursery at the end of maternity leave causes emotional or psychological harm—specifically through the lens of UK-based scientific studies. I’ll look at what secure attachment really means, how it’s formed, what the research says about nursery care in the early years, and how we can support our children emotionally while also returning to work.
Because the truth is, many of us have to go back—and many of us want to—and that shouldn’t be framed as failing our children.
What Is Secure Attachment—And Why It Matters?
Before we can talk about whether nursery might harm a baby emotionally, we need to understand what secure attachment actually is—and what it isn’t.
What Does “Secure Attachment” Actually Mean?
In simple terms, secure attachment is the emotional bond that forms between a baby and their primary caregiver, usually within the first year of life. It’s built through consistent, responsive care. When a baby cries, the caregiver responds. When a baby seeks comfort, the caregiver soothes. Over time, the baby learns that the world is safe and that they can trust others to meet their needs. This becomes the foundation for their emotional development, resilience, and relationships later in life.
Do You Need to Be With Your Baby 24/7?
The good news is, secure attachment doesn’t require you to be with your baby 24/7. What matters is how you respond to them when you are together—not the number of hours spent apart. This is backed by multiple studies in developmental psychology, including work on maternal sensitivity. The research shows that responsive caregiving—not constant presence—is the key to secure attachment (Oxford Reference).
According to UK organisations like the NSPCC and attachment researchers, secure attachment can form in many different caregiving arrangements. This includes nurseries, childminders, or nannies, as long as the child feels safe, seen, and soothed.
Does Going Back to Work Damage Attachment?
Attachment theory itself—originally developed by British psychologist John Bowlby—was never about policing working mothers. In fact, Bowlby’s later work emphasised the quality of the relationship, not physical proximity (Cambridge University Press). So the idea that a mum returning to work at 12 months is automatically causing harm isn’t just guilt-inducing—it’s not backed by science.
This also means that a child can have more than one attachment figure. It’s possible—and healthy—for children to build strong bonds with a parent and a trusted nursery key worker or childminder. The crucial part is consistency, warmth, and responsiveness.
So when we ask, “Will going to nursery ruin my baby’s attachment to me?”—the answer is: not if they feel safe and loved when they’re with you, and cared for attentively when they’re away from you.
What Does the Science Say About Nurseries and Your Baby’s Emotions?
Once I understood what secure attachment really is, the next big question was whether or not sending my child to nursery at 12 months was going to cause any harm.
I wanted to move past mum guilt and get real answers—especially from UK research, since that’s our system and our reality. Here’s what I found.
The SEED Study: Biggest UK Research on Nursery
The SEED study (Study of Early Education and Development) is one of the biggest pieces of research we have in the UK. It followed over 5,000 children in England to see how early childcare affects development.
The good news? High-quality nursery care was linked to better social and learning outcomes for children. Think: language skills, early learning, getting along with others.
Crucially, the study found no evidence that nursery harms your baby’s emotional wellbeing or attachment, as long as the care is good quality.
The catch: Quality matters. Nurseries with stretched staff or lower standards didn’t give the same positive results. In fact, poor-quality settings were linked to some behaviour issues.
Bottom line: It’s not about nursery itself—it’s about the environment and people in the nursery.
What About UK Experts?
Our UK Parliament did its own deep dive, reviewing loads of studies on early years care. They found that nursery and early years education helped children get ready for school and supported their development—especially for children from all backgrounds (UK Parliament POST Note).
For emotional development, the findings were a bit more mixed. The report pointed out that long nursery hours might have a small effect on emotions, but this depends massively on two things:
- The quality of the care
- Your connection with your baby at home.
In other words, if you’re using a great nursery and keeping that close bond at home, your child is in a strong position.
If possible, you could also consider limiting the number of hours your child spends at the nursery. Starting with shorter days or fewer days per week can help with the adjustment. Even if full-time care is eventually needed, a gentler start can ease the transition for both you and your baby.
Attachment Research: Can Nursery Still Feel Safe for Your Baby?
One thing I found reassuring from the world of child psychology was that babies don’t only form strong attachments with parents. They can also build secure, loving bonds with other caregivers like nursery key workers or childminders.
Studies show that as long as your child feels safe, cared for, and comforted by their caregiver, they can feel securely attached, even when you’re not there (British Journal of Psychiatry).
And while you might have heard about nursery raising babies’ stress levels, research into this (looking at things like cortisol, the stress hormone) shows that babies usually settle over time—especially in calm, nurturing nursery settings.
The Big Picture: What UK Research Tells Us
- Sending your baby to nursery at 12 months does not harm your bond, or their emotional wellbeing—if the care is good quality.
- Your connection at home still matters deeply. It’s not about the number of hours, but the emotional connection you build when you’re together.
- Nursery can even be a positive thing. It gives your baby more people to love and trust, and opens up social and learning opportunities.
- In short, if you’re choosing a caring nursery and keeping close at home, you’re giving your baby what they need.
Quick Takeaway for Mums
- It’s not about nursery or no nursery—it’s about good nursery and secure relationships.
- You are not failing your child by going back to work.
- Quality care + loving home = safe, secure, happy baby.
- Start as gradual as possible and pay attention to your child’s cues—they will all adjust in their own unique timeframes.
If you’re wondering how to keep your bond strong once you’re back at work, or what to look for in a nursery to support your baby’s emotional wellbeing, I’ll be covering both in upcoming posts. I hope this has helped ease some of the worry and mum guilt—I know how heavy it can feel.
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